Get Confidence from High Heels

I’m so tired of the myopia of mainstream media. I can’t believe they can’t connect the dots between the various pieces they feature.

For example, the very same episode of Good Morning America that ran the outraged piece about a “pageant mom” giving her 8 year old daughter Botox injections featured a celebration by the female hosts of GMA of the wonders of higher and higher heels and the confidence they give women.  Puh-leeze!

They act as though there’s no connection at all between a “how to feel my best” interview with gorgeous Kelly Ripa saying that she doesn’t feel confident about herself unless she’s teetering on outrageously expensive high, high heels, and the pageant mom who unapologetically told how she injects her young daughter with Botox.

Well, they’re wrong. There’s a direct link from media celebrities touting external appearance as the source of self-confidence to the pageant mom who honestly believes she’s doing the best thing for her daughter’s future.

This nonsense has to stop. I’ll admit that I bought into it myself for many years. My self-confidence crutch was makeup. Whenever I was going into a situation that made me nervous I’d wear makeup even though I didn’t like the way it felt on my skin. In situations where I felt confident I didn’t give makeup a thought. As my daughters got a little older I realized I was using makeup as a poor substitute for doing whatever would give me true confidence in a situation. And I didn’t want them to pick up on that way of coping.

Of course it’s harder to do what it takes to feel confident from the inside out – and it usually takes more time than putting on some makeup or high heels takes. But it works better than those quick fixes, too. When I do that hard prep and still don’t feel confident from the inside out then I fall back on courage. The courage to risk doing a thing I don’t feel totally confident about. Disagreeing with the conventional wisdom, giving the new speech, sharing optimism when it seems unwarranted, revealing my imperfections.

The only confidence that girls and women get from external appearance is fleeting and insubstantial. It’s superficial by definition.  And it won’t stick with us when we really need our confidence.

That’s not the false confidence that girls need.

How do you help girls build confidence from the inside out? I want to hear your stories about it.

 

 

Springtime, Earth Day and our Daughters

I’m thankful today for our Earth Day guest blog by Rebecca Hecking, author of The Sustainable Soul: Eco-Spiritual Reflections and Practices.

Find her blog at http://rebeccahecking.com

Rebecca, thank you for this beautiful blog!

Springtime has traditionally been associated with youth, and with good reason. In the spring, fresh new life is blossoming everywhere. The promise and potential of the future is not yet realized. Conditions can change rapidly: one day the air is warm and pleasant, the next stormy and cold. Sound familiar?

Our daughters too, are blossoming at this stage of their lives. They are full of promise and potential, as yet unfulfilled. Their moods can be as volatile as the spring weather. They rush ahead into the high drama of teen life full of hope, only to be battered by a hostile culture like a daffodil is battered by an April shower.

Earth Day is a relatively new phenomenon, a product of the environmental movement of the 60s and 70s. It’s no accident that that the women’s movement also flourished at that same time. How we perceive the Earth has been intertwined with images of the feminine for millennia. Names like Mother Nature, Mother Earth, and Gaia all speak of this deep connection which is rooted in our collective psyche.

This Earth Day, let’s bring that connection out into the open and use it to help our daughters navigate the springtime of their lives. Earth’s beauty is diverse. Stark deserts, lush rainforests, deep oceans…all are profoundly beautiful and unique, just like our daughters are beautiful in their uniqueness and diversity. The forest doesn’t need to compare itself to the prairie. Both are beautiful! The Earth deserves to be treated well. It should be cherished and nurtured, not subjected to abuse. Ditto for our daughters. Being advocates for our Earth is a natural complement to being advocates for our blossoming young women.

Our daughters can also draw inspiration from the seasons and cycles of the Earth. Just as the storms of springtime pass into the lush growth of summer, the storms of adolescence will pass even if, to our girls, they seem to go on forever. Following the Earth as it turns toward summer can give them some valuable perspective on the arc of their own future. Caring for the Earth can inspire self-care. Speaking up for the Earth can help an uncertain girl find her own voice.

This Earth Day, look around. Every blossom and green shoot is a reflection of the ephemeral and exquisite soul-deep beauty of our precious daughters in this springtime of their lives.

From Nancy: How does connecting with Mother Earth help you nurture your daughter(s)?

Girl Power and My Daughter’s Great News

We love hearing from proud moms and bloggers like Becky Beaupre Gillespie. She posted recently at The New Perfect to share the news about her daughter joining the Girls Editorial Board of New Moon Girls. Becky, thanks for sharing B’s great news with the world.

Over the (New) Moon: Girl Power and My Daughter’s Great News

My daughter got her first journalism job this week. Which means, at just 9 years old, she’s a fourth-generation member of the family profession. I didn’t start stringing for my local weekly until I was 15. So, I need to warn you: I’m going to be an insufferably braggy mom here for a minute.

But bear with me: This is really a post about girl power and a truly inspiring social network and magazine called New Moon Girls. I swear that my main point isn’t to tell you that B is awesome. That said, she is — and I feel compelled to say it because she was born with a host of challenges that sometimes make life difficult. Things have been particularly tough for her the past few months, though I’ll refrain from saying more since it’s her story to tell, not mine. But suffice it to say that we’ve been struggling — really struggling some days — to help her remember how many beautiful gifts she has to share.

B is overflowing with spirit and conviction. She’s an animal rights activist, a vegetarian, an environmentalist and a kid who wants to change the world. She’s baffled by conformity (“Why doesn’t everyone just want to be themselves?”), she isn’t afraid to speak up (even though this sometimes gets her into trouble), and she can spot inner beauty a mile away. Her aunt and uncle gave her a giant painted sign for Christmas that reads:

“BE BOLD – BE THANKFUL – BE QUIET – BE ORIGINAL – BE SPONTANEOUS – BE PUNCTUAL – BE A STAR – BE YOUNG – BE LOVING – BE CRAZY – BE LOUD – BE RANDOM – BE ADORABLE – BE UNIQUE – BE DARING – BE OBNOXIOUS – BE YOURSELF.”

And it was perfect because that’s B’s life philosophy in a nutshell.

Last fall, she discovered New Moon Girls, a safe, ad-free magazine and online social network aimed at girls age 8 and up. Their mission: “To help girls … discover their unique voices and express them in the world.” Instead of articles about fashion, celebrity and being thin enough, B found girls discussing the things she cared about: dreams and passions, favorite books, real beauty, plans to change the world. She could share her original short stories and poetry, advocate for animal rights, chat with other girls — all in a moderated community filled with positive messages designed to boost self-esteem. (That’s the part that clinched it for me, though, honestly, they probably had me at “unique.”)

But here’s the best part: The magazine and website are created in part by other girls — all members of an international Girls Editorial Board that collaborates with adult staff to choose and create content.

So, in December, when B saw that New Moon was accepting applications for spots on this board, she knew right away that she wanted a shot. The commitment was big: She’d have to be available five hours a week and attend two online editorial board meetings a month. She’d have assignments, deadlines and meetings that she’d have to remember. She’d be expected to have opinions, speak up, and consider other ideas with respect.

That’s a lot for a 9 year old, and I worried at first about the time commitment. But what an amazing experience: to make a difference while learning important lessons about responsibility, leadership, deadlines, commitment and group debate. And how wonderful to learn these things while doing something she truly loves.

Some things are just worth it, no matter what.

Anyway, long story short: She worked hard on her application, and then patiently (OK, not always patiently) waited to hear. This week, the email arrived. B has been chosen to join the board, which includes 30 other girls from the United States, Canada and the U.K. She and I were both assigned mentors to guide us through the first three months, and instructed to keep her selection a secret until it was formally announced on the site on Saturday.

The smile on B’s face when she saw this email is something I’ll never forget. The boost to her self-esteem was palpable: We could hear it in her voice and see it in the way she carried herself. The smile lasted all day and stretched the entire width of her face.

That’s when my gratitude really kicked in. I’d been wishing for an opportunity exactly like this: A place where B could blossom by being exactly who she is — a place where being a little different would be valued as an advantage instead of viewed as something to overcome.

And this, actually, is my real point. I love that this community exists, and I want the families of other girls to know about it. I love that there’s an alternative to the constant barrage of messages that steer so many girls away from their real dreams. I love that New Moon wants to lift girls up and show them that their voices matter.

It’s what B, and all girls — all children — deserve.

Becky Beaupre Gillespie is co-author of the new book Good Enough Is the New Perfectwith Hollee Schwartz Temple.

Be Out There!

Parenting girls takes lots of balance.

We know that girls already get bombarded from a young age by  messages telling them to be thin - National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. They often become obsessed with their weight.  And that drives them further and further away from good mental health.

And while we don’t want our girls to be obsessed with their weight, we also don’t want their health or activity harmed by obesity. Focus on child obesity is rampant in the media now. Caught between the rock of obsession with thinness and the hard place of obesity, how do we know what to do?

The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry defines obesity as at least 10% higher than what is recommended for one’s height and body type. For a tween or teen that can be only 5 to 10 pounds.  Children who are obese between the ages of 10 and 13 have an 80% chance of becoming obese adults and increasing their risk for complications of obesity like diabetes.

But you know your kids far better than any study or statistic. You need to decide if you’re concerned about their weight and/or their feelings, attitudes and habits about food and eating. Remember that it’s nearly impossible to think about these issues with anything close to a neutral perspective. 95% of adult women don’t like our own bodies and men are starting to catch up to us in that unfortunate statistic.

It’s such a complicated issue that it’s good to seek many opinions and qualified professional advice if you’re concerned.  Here are some great places to start: resources for parents.

I’m also supporting the National Wildlife Federation’s Be Out There campaign. It’s designed to get kids outside more often so they can learn why it’s called the great outdoors! Being active outdoors is also a great remedy to mental health struggles, obesity, and more issues listed on Kids’ Health Issues: 2011. I posted previously about one of those issues—nature deficit disorder—in Outside Now! All this will make you feel better about sending your kids outside to play.

Studies show outdoor time helps girls grow up healthier and happier, with a stronger connection to the natural world. Check out these fun outdoor activities!

From March 15-21, NWF encourages children of all ages to participate in outdoor environmental service projects, games and activities. National Wildlife Week’s official web site, www.nwf.org/wildlifeweek, offers resources for families and educators to make spending time outdoors educational and entertaining. Visit www.nwf.org/wildlifeweek .

What I like most about this campaign is it makes it easy to show girls there is a whole world out there to be explored and respected. And the more time we spend there, the better we’ll feel, and the healthier we’ll be.

Need more? Here are some Fast Facts about Outdoor Time and Children. One item shocked me: Children are spending half as much time outdoors as they did 20 years ago. Learn more at Why Be Out There?

Let’s have some fun and  Be Out There!

Gretchen Bleiler. Unstoppable Inspiration!

<>

If you can’t be in the Olympics, it’s still pretty cool to interview an Olympian! Rebecca, a Girls Editorial Board member, got to do just that! Here’s her interview with Olympic snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler.

Gretchen tells girls how to follow their snowboarding and winter goals no matter what they are. “You will be successful when you’re doing what you love!” She says.

She shares her own long and short-term snowboarding goals along with her passion for the environment. She offers many practical tips on how we can all keep global warming at bay and keep the snow coming! In fact she challenges girls to use re-usable bags, water bottle and food containers—do this for 21 days to form a good habit. Find more tips at Stop Global Warming.

Gretchen carries her message through the “Be Unstoppable” movement – a celebration of physical activity that inspires others to be unstoppable, shines the spotlight on women and girls in active moments and shows how they can exude confidence with every move they make, every day.

Need more inspiration?
25 Benefits of Girls Playing Sports

Now get out there and be active!

%d bloggers like this: