The number of girls diagnosed with autism has increased dramatically in the past 20 years. We see that on New Moon Girls with much discussion by members who are autistic or have autistic family/friends.

It’s very different from when I was growing up and autism was nearly invisible. My only conscious awareness was that my girl scout troop volunteered to help the parents of an autistic boy do hours of daily physical “patterning” exercises that their doctor thought could help his development.

Because so many girls mention autism on NMG, we asked members of our Facebook page for the parent perspective on what they wish the world knew about having a daughter with this challenge. I loved hearing from all of you.

Aurora,  mother of a  five-year-old, thanked us for asking about autistic girls because “there aren’t a lot of them,” she said. It’s true that autism spectrum disorder is more common in boys. Sometimes described as the “extreme male brain” autism can be missed in girls. For every 3 to 4 boys diagnosed with autism there is one girl diagnosed.  Sometimes girls are mis-diagnosed with mental health disorders despite autistic symptoms. There hasn’t been enough research done with autistic girls to provide a good understanding of the ways–and if–autism differs by gender.

Some ways austism has a different effect on girls than boys are explored by The Independent in Why Autism is Different for Girls. Kandi said it right when she told us about her daughter,

Our little girl is unique and like everyone on the spectrum isn’t quite the same as another. That’s what makes them all special. What people really need to know is that there is no stereotype. The autism spectrum comes in many different forms and affects children in different ways. One thing is for sure, my little precious girl is a gift, and I will not think otherwise.

One piece of information that really caught my attention was from Janet Treasure, professor of psychiatry at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, London. She told The Times that around a fifth of girls diagnosed with anorexia have autistic spectrum features and 20 to 30% may have exhibited rigidity and perfectionism in childhood. Anorexia has been called the female Asperger’s (a milder version of autism).

The typical image of the autistic child is a boy who is lost in his own world and indifferent to other people. It is hard to generalize about autistic kids, boys or girls, but some clinicians who work with high-functioning autistic children say they often see girls who care a great deal about what their peers think. These girls want to connect with people outside their families, says Janet Lainhart, a professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the University of Utah who treats Caitlyn and Marguerite. But often they can’t. Lainhart says that this thwarted desire may trigger severe anxiety and depression.

–Emily Bazelon in The New York Times, What Autistic Girls are Made Of

Helping their daughters connect and find friendship is a big concern among the parents who shared their experiences with us. Another strong theme is what a profound effect these girls have on their parents, like Carrie describes what she’s learned from Maggie who is now fourteen years old.

It’s hard to say exactly what Maggie’s diagnosis is. She’s been diagnosed differently by numerous doctors with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, and most recently with mild cerebral palsy. The mountains we have scaled, moved and tunneled through are too numerous to count. Much more important than the mountains are the silver linings, the finish lines and the woman Maggie has created out of me!

The aggressive, intolerant woman that I was fourteen years ago has been transformed into a patient, loving, third and fourth chance granting believer that imperfection is totally acceptable as long as effort accompanies the attempt. I walk slower; hear birds chirp, know many insignificant facts about Barbie and thrive on the ‘little things’ like eating a new food, getting our clothes on right-side out or keeping our hair in a pony tail for more than an hour.

Each day is a book. Some days, the book is a mystery, other days it is a tragedy and still another day is a comedy. I believe the Good Lord blesses us in many ways that we cannot understand and often do not appreciate. I am so thankful that He gave me Maggie. I am a much better mother, wife, daughter, teacher, coach and person because Maggie is in my life. She is the piece of my puzzle that I could have never found on my own!

The consensus from parents of girls on the autism spectrum? They want the best for their girls. They want their girls to have friendship and understanding and they want the world to see their unique gifts. These are things every parent relates to.

Tomorrow I’ll share more of what parents and girls told us as living with autism. And also the interview a 13-year old member of New Moon Girls did with Dr. Temple Grandin who’s one of her heroes.

Please add your thoughts and experiences with how to help girls on the autism spectrum.  Get more resources on Autism Spectrum Disorder .