One of the hardest things for me is to forgive myself when I screw up. I also can have trouble forgiving others–the two issues go hand-in-hand. That’s why I was touched and captivated by an e-book about forgiveness a New Moon Girls member posted in her online room recently. Of course I want to be the best parent I can be and I know what a huge effect I have on my daughters’ lives. But the pressure I put on myself to be a perfect mom was terribly oppressive and not good for me or them. Meg Hunter’s guest post is a wonderful story about forgiving, and teaching our daughters to do it too. Meg is raising three daughters for the 21st century while also teaching  graphic design and marketing to technical college students.

On our refrigerator is a pink and purple sign that reads “We forgive ourselves; we forgive each other; and we begin again in love.”  As a mother of three daughters, Rachel (13), Lauren (11) and Caitlin (9) it is something I refer to often.

The sign originated from a Unitarian service about Yom Kippur and the Days of Turning. The Days of Turning are a time to consider your life and the things that might be keeping you from having good relationships with your friends, family and neighbors.  After the service we created the sign to help remember the lesson.

One of the most important phrases for our kids is “we forgive ourselves”.  Our youngest, Caitlin, sometimes gets in to a spiral of bad behavior that is hard to get out of.  She will say things she doesn’t mean at home and on the playground.  We found that when she learned to forgive herself, forgiving others became easier.

Our middle daughter, Lauren, can be very hard on herself.  She expects perfection in everything she does. If she gets a “B” in any subject we give her a cake because letting go and being OK with a “B” is an achievement for her! For her, forgiving herself is about accepting mistakes and knowing she did the best she could.

Sometimes the tables get turned and my children teach me a lesson. 

Recently, one of my daughters had an issue with a coach for her soccer team.  I contacted the coach and requested a meeting. Instead of meeting with me, the coach and her assistant pulled my daughter aside and chose to ask her a series of questions about the issue.

The coach emailed me and let me know she met with my daughter.  I was furious, disappointed and felt horrible that I had put my daughter in that situation.

When she arrived home, I told her how sorry I was.  I told her I would have never requested the meeting if I thought she would be put in a situation with two adults confronting her alone. By this time, I had tears running down my face.

Lauren looked at me and said, “Mom, I need you to do something for me.”

I said, “Of course, what is it?”

She said, “I need you to do what you always tell us,”

“What is that?” I asked,

“Forgive yourself, forgive each other and begin again in love.  I need you to forgive Coach Klein.  The coach has a lot of responsibility, a lot of kids and parents who depend on her and she has a new baby. Can you forgive Coach Klein?”

I wiped away my tears, smiled and said, “Yes, I can.”

As a parent, I try to provide my children with a strong foundation. It is nice to know that sometime the lessons my husband and I have tried to teach get applied to their everyday lives.  Especially when you are the student and your child is the teacher. Thank you Rachel, Lauren and Caitlin for the lessons you have taught me. You are all wise beyond your years and I am so blessed to be your mother.

Thankfully, it’s become easier to forgive myself and others by seeing my daughters bounce back from bad decisions and mistakes I’ve made as their mom. It turns out they didn’t need me to be perfect in order for them to become wonderful adults. How lucky for them and me, both! Remembering how resilient all kids are helps me keep things in perspective. And, I keep working out my “forgiving muscle” to make it stronger. How do you strengthen your and your daughters’ forgiving muscle?