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Wonder Women Bloggers!

October 29, 2010 By

Tired of sexist comments made to your daughter? Want the world to assume anything is possible for your girl? Want people to take girls more seriously? Sick and tired of media and girls and the mis-connect?  Want some real advice for your parenting questions? You’re not alone. Here are five fabulous Sheroes that share your thoughts. I hope you like these Wonder Women Bloggers as much as I do. If you have a favorite Woman Blogger or Blogher  (some like to say Lady Blog) you think I’d like, leave a comment. Thanks!

The Girl Revolution is designed to help parents raise powerful daughters. The Girl Revolution’s sole mission is to revolutionize the way we think about, treat, and raise girls.

Blogger: Tracee Sioux

Shaping Youth is a forum about media and marketing’s influence on kids and how we can Use the power of media for positive change.

Founder: Amy Jussel

Women in Science: Past, Present and Future is dedicated to women in science and engineering. You’ll discover facts you didn’t know about women in science. Share this with your mother, daughters, and friends.

Blogger: Peggy Kolm

Pigtail Pals: Redefine Girly
Let’s Change the way we talk about our girls! Pigtail Pals shows the world just how smart, daring and adventurous girls can be.

Blogger: Melissa Wardy

Boston.com Moms Child Caring: Parenting News & Advice
Great advice from freelance writer, parenting consultant, and author of Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Understanding How Your Children See the World.

Blogger: Barbara F. Meltz

HAPPY READING!

Wonder Women image created by Dan Schoening @ Capstone Press

Filed Under: Communication, Family Life, Parents Who Advocate Tagged With: , , , ,

Girls Want Respect not Sexualization

October 21, 2010 By

Today’s guest post is from Sarah  Jane Capper, a Syracuse University journalism major who interned with New Moon Girls recently.  The 10-22-10 SPARK Summit: Challenging the Sexualization of Girls will launch a grassroots movement by girls ages 14-22. We strongly support SPARK and at the same time want to give younger girls and their parents resources in the fight, too.  Sarah Jane’s piece is part of this. And check our new Girls Just Want Respect webpage for writing and video by girls 8-13 that show their frustration and anger about media sexualization of girls.

In 2009, cartoon character Dora the Explorer received a makeover. Mattel and Nickolodeon released a silhouette of her body to hype her new look as she grew up from a kid to a tween. Dora’s cropped hair had been transformed into long, flowing locks, her shorts traded for a leg-accentuating mini-skirt, and her practical shoes replaced with ballet slippers.

The makeover disturbed Chicago mom Veronica Arreola. “It was heartbreaking,” Arreola said. “Dora was positive, adventurous and smart. Then she moved to the city, lost her best friend, and gave up her backpack for a purse.”

Dora isn’t the only girl icon who has been sexed-up and dumbed down at a young age. And plenty of girls are following suit by treating their bodies as sexual objects, while parents struggle to help them develop a healthy sense of sexuality.

The phenomenon has grabbed the attention of many researchers. The American Psychological Association commissioned a task force to examine the sexualization of girls is in today’s culture, what it’s doing to society and how it can be stopped. They define sexualization as a person’s value coming solely from fitting into a narrow view sexual appeal or behavior, and becoming a “sexual object” for others to enjoy.  The task force’s 2007 report is packed with shocking examples—thongs for seven to ten year old girls, Disney cartoon characters with cleavage, dolls with fishnet stockings and tube tops, toddlers with fake teeth and spray-on tans in beauty pageants.

A Big Deal

The APA’s report may be three years old, but a quick flip through some TV channels or a glance at the magazines in the checkout aisle reveals that the problem continues. The report interested many researchers, activists and journalists, but the media has continued to sexualize girls, says Eileen Zurbriggen, who chaired the task force.

Case in point: Miley Cyrus, a 17-year-old actress and singer who found fame with her Disney Channel kids show. In her music video “Can’t Be Tamed,” she gyrates her hips in a cage while wearing a low-cut black leotard and boots, then writhes on a bed of peacock feathers.

Tayler Simmons, 11, sees the effects of sexy media stars firsthand.  Girls at her Atlanta, Georgia school cake on make-up and wear big earrings, although they are only in sixth grade. “They think, ‘Someday I want to be a superstar,’ so they try to act like her [Miley Cyrus] so they’ll feel like a superstar,” Simmons says. There’s also the boy factor. Simmons’s peers began dating as early as fourth grade, and they dress and act to get the attention of boys.

What Simmons has noticed applies largely across the board. “It’s everybody’s problem,” Zurbriggen says. Certain groups, such as African American and Latina women have been able to resist media stereotypes better than others, Zurbriggen says, but the sexualization of girls in the media affects us all to some extent. More research about girls of color, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, and transgendered girls, girls with disabilities, people of different socioeconomic backgrounds and geographic regions is still needed, according to the report.

Startling Consequences

It’s easy to write off Miley Cyrus as an extreme example of a girl gone wild. But you can’t ignore the widespread consequences of the sexualization of girls in the media.

Here are some consequences the APA task force identified.

It’s harder to think and feel. In one test of college-aged women, those wearing bathing suits had a harder time completing math problems than those wearing sweaters, because they were preoccupied with their bodies. On the emotional side, sexualization and objectification can make a person feel ashamed or anxious.

  • Research links sexualization with eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression.
  • It stunts the development of healthy sexuality, from unrealistic expectations about sex to decreased condom use.
  • Viewing sexualized media often shapes a girl’s attitudes and beliefs. She’ll be more likely to place a high value on looks and support this type of media.
  • Boys and men also take a hit. They may undertake a long, unfulfilling search to find a partner who conforms to the media’s narrow standard of “attractiveness.” Their relationships will be shallow, not intimate. Boys’ sexual harassment of girls, and attitudes toward sexual violence are also shaped by media stereotypes.
  • Older women feel pressure to look young so they still fit into society’s mold.

Why?

Even with so much research showing the consequences of sexualizing girls, Dora is still getting a makeover. Some questions remain: why? Why are these images so pervasive in society? Why are parents letting their daughters imitate superstars? And why are girls buying in?

Many political and sociological factors play into the answer to this question, Zurbriggen says. Companies may be trying to expand the market for their products. For example, if a lip-gloss manufacturer creates ads of 8-year-olds puckering up for the camera, there are more people willing to buy their products. The proliferation of internet pornography may also be driving the sexualized images of young girls.

To understand why parents are buying into it for their daughters, and why girls are buying into it for themselves, you have to examine their intentions, Zurbriggen says.

Consider, a mom who buys her toddler a rock star outfit and enters her in a beauty pageant.  She probably sees fitting into the media’s definition of attractiveness and sexiness as her daughter’s path to success and power and wants to help her daughter by allowing her to become a sexual object.

Girls also objectify themselves. Ali Reynolds, [a high school student in Maine], knows a classmate who constantly strives for a cover-girl body and the attention of boys.

“She will stick her chest out as a guy goes by to get his looks,” Reynolds typed in an online chat with members of the activist group Powered by Girls. “I have seen it!”

Many girls and women in the media go a step further, touting their self-objectification as an expression of femininity, beauty, and power. In an article with the entertainment magazine OK!, pop star Christina Aguilera said she would keep making raunchy music videos, even though she has a son. The headline: Christina Aguilera on Sex: I’m Expressing Myself As a Human Being. “Especially, I think as a woman, we’re so ashamed of our sexuality… I have to keep in touch with myself as an artist and be able to express all sides of myself,” the singer said. Yet her music videos hardly reflect a healthy sense of sexuality. She crawls across the floor wearing a black leather corset, leggings and heels in “Not Myself Tonight,” from her latest album Bionic.

Girls who follow the culture’s lead are simply trying to gain the acceptance, connection to others, and sense of value to society that all people crave.

“I don’t think girls really want to be depressed or have low self-esteem or feel bad about their bodies,” Zurbriggen says. “Those are side effects of trying to meet a standard of sexuality that’s too narrow and that’s damaging to them.”

Girl Power

In a culture where thongs come in kid sizes, change seems a long way off. Nevertheless, people are speaking out and creating change. A grassroots protest prevented Hasbro from making dolls for 4 to 8-year olds modeled after the singing group The Pussycat Dolls, a former burlesque troop. Public policy efforts, such as the Girl Scouts’ Healthy Media Act, are pushing for reform. On the web, alternative blogs, zines, and social networking communities allow girls to express themselves. Schools, families and girls groups can all play an important role in helping girls resist media stereotypes, according to the task force report.

In health classes, schools can teach media literacy, a set of skills that help students critique the media. They can also provide solid sex ed programs to give accurate information about sexuality and extracurricular activities to help girls feel empowered and valued.

Not all schools offer such programs, but parents still have the power to influence their daughters’ views on sexuality. Deborah Tolman, also on the task force, recommends watching media with a critical eye as a family. She often records TV shows, so her kids can press pause to ask questions or make comments while she watches with them. A constant critique without alternatives, however, will backfire. Teenager Maya remembers feeling annoyed when her mom always made comments about the women in TV shows. Keep critiques age appropriate and pay attention to your daughter’s physical cues. “If her eyes are glazing over, it might not be the best time to have a long talk with her,” Zurbriggen says. Sometimes, you may simply want to give her another option instead of critiquing. If your daughter has picked up some sexual dance moves, show her a different, appropriate way to move her body instead of telling her to stop.

Getting your daughter involved in girls’ groups, such as Girl Scouts, will also boost her self-esteem.

Ultimately, girls need to find their own voices, Tolman says. Parents first instinct may be to cut out media that sexualizes women from their daughters’ lives. Limiting your daughter’s exposure will help, but simply protecting does not good. “The problem with protecting is that it maintains the status quo,” Tolman says. Girls need to find their own outrage so they can resist pressures and become activists. “By finding outrage, by demanding alternatives, creating alternatives—that will actually change the way things are,” Tolman says.

See Daughters.com for more parenting tips about guiding your girl through a sexualized culture and helping her develop a healthy sense of sexuality. Also check out the APA’s tip sheet for parents and guide to media literacy resources.

Filed Under: Communication, Health & Safety, Parents Who Advocate

Looking at Stress Lives of Girls

October 20, 2010 By

“It’s not the stress that kills us, it’s how we respond to it.”

William Gerin of Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons

I watched a friend’s daughter’s soccer game a few weeks ago and found myself cringing when some of the girls hit the ball with their heads. My reaction must be a result of a book I read recently by Dr. Daniel Amen about brain health. While I don’t have the medical background to support or dispel any of it, it did make me realize how precious our brains are. And hitting things with our heads is a definite way to risk our brains’ potential. And so is stress.

If you’re one of those people who thinks girls don’t have REAL stress take a look at The Year Nobody Liked Me. This story will help you remember the stormy social seas of the schoolyard. The author of this blog remembers the pain of a bad school year 44 years after the fact as if it were last week.

According to Girls Inc, even our economic downturn  causes girls stress. Since they  ”often mirror the concerns held by adult women. Six out of ten girls say that they are often stressed.”

Stress IS a part of life and always has been. And dealing with stress is an important life skill! So instead of teaching girls to deny their symptoms of stress or tell them that it will go away after this or that tough issue is over, lets start teaching them ways to perceive and cope in healthy ways. It will make their lives and their brains healthier.

Since she’ll learn first from watching how we manage (or don’t manage) our stress, here are some tips for the whole family:

• When she’s not in a state of stress help her learn what relaxes her body: running, yoga, walking, a backrub.

• Suggest physical activity when you see she’s agitated: “Let’s shoot some hoops and loosen up before dinner.”

Share activities that relieve stress for you and see if they calm her.

  • Gardening really relaxes me—how about you?
  • Would a back rub feel good?
  • When I’m really stressed, I feel much better after a warm shower.
  • Get outside! The National Wildlife Federation is promoting The Green Hour to encourage kids and families to enjoy the outdoors. Check this out!

Help her accept that stress (school stress, teenage stress, family stress) is a normal part of life and that she can manage it.

  • We all feel stressed sometimes.
  • You handle your stress very creatively.
  • You felt so tense but you’re calm now that we talked.

We’ll have more stress management techniques for girls in the next issue (Nov/Dec 2010) of New Moon Girls.

Filed Under: Communication

Global Water Crisis is a Girls’ Issue

October 15, 2010 By

Next time you take a drink of water, remind yourself to feel grateful. Many people in the world don’t have access to clean, safe water. You may also think about the 8 hours you saved by not having to carry your family’s daily water from a distant source like so many women still do in our global community.

According to the Association for Women’s Rights in Development women and girls have always been central to water management. They use the 8 hours a day to transport between 15 and 20 liters of water in a trip. And sometimes even that water isn’t safe to drink. United Press International says 1.8 million people die from the lack of clean water every year. And 90% of the deaths are children.

Why Girls and Woman are More Affected by Water Crisis
“This gender inequality has implications in women’s daily life, from a rights based perspective, since the carrying of water not only causes them physical disorders, but also makes it difficult for them to get involved in activities such as education, income generation, politics, leisure and recreation,” according to AWRD.

A WEDO report states, “As the environment deteriorates, women’s livelihoods become increasingly vulnerable.” For example, “…the availability and placement of toilets has a huge impact on women but in many communities women must walk a long distance to use facilities, often risking their personal safety. There is an increased incidence of sexual and physical assault when toilets are in a remote location… Toilets are also unavailable for vast numbers of poor women who work in urban centers. About 1 in 10 school-age African girls do not attend school during menstruation or drop out at puberty because of the absence of clean and private sanitation facilities in schools”. Many of us heard about the similar situation in Haiti earlier this year.

Fortunately, the senate approved a Global Clean Water Legislation last month that is intended to help 100 million people around the world gain access to clean water and sanitation. Learn more at the Kaiser Family Foundation.

While there are plenty of sites geared to conserving water in your life (here are two: 100 Ways to Conserve, How to Conserve Water and Use It Effectively) one of the most important things you can do is talk to your daughters. Tell them about the global water crisis. This challenge belongs to all of us.

One of the most heartening parts of the work I do is seeing the natural advocacy girls exhibit in their lives. We often feature them in a section called Go, Girl in New Moon Girls. Girls are doing amazing advocacy work for the environment, other children, animals. They raise money for research, collect books to share and redistribute movies for kids with cancer. It’s not that I expect every girl to get involved with this water issue. Education has a different effect on everyone. Some will create new habits, others will help, and others will continue to learn. Thank you Blog Action Day for motivating me to learn about this important issue affecting women, girls, and everyone on our planet. Help Spread the Word!

Filed Under: Communication

9 Signs of Cyberbullying

October 8, 2010 By

We’re so lucky to have this guest blog by  Dr. Michele Borba.  Thank you, Dr. Borba, for providing this crucial information for families. 

How to know if your child is being cyberbullied

Over the last few months we’ve read about horrific tragedies – bullycides — that appear prompted by relentless peer bullying. We’ve read of too many of our children who have ended their young lives due to vicious online (yes, and offline) peer cruelty. Other children are I carry with me a photo of a young Canadian boy — a precious sixth grader — who ended his life because of bullying. His father gave me his son’s photo and asked me to promise to keep educating parents about the dangers of bullying. I promised that dad I would keep going and I’ve carried that photo for ten years.

But it seems we have an even tougher battle these days. Kids are crueler and at younger ages. Let’s get our heads out of the sand and realize we’re not doing a good enough job in nurturing our children’s empathy and creating cultures of compassion.

And so let’s get educated, folks. It’s our first big step to turn this around. These are serious lessons — they might save a child. Please read carefully. Then start talking to other parents, teachers, babysitters, couches, counselors, and child workers. The first step to stopping a problem is getting educated. So read up.

What is cyberbullying?

So we’re clear, cyberbullying is an electronic form of communication that uses cyber-technology or digital media to hurt, threaten, embarrass, annoy, blackmail or otherwise target another minor. Every adult who interacts with kids–parents, educators, librarians, police, pediatricians, coaches, child care givers–must get educated about this lethal new form bullying so you can find ways to stop this.

One reason for such a dramatic increase in cyber-abuse is that it’s just so much easier to be cruel when you don’t have to do lash out your vicious insinuations face to face! Where we once thought we just had to protect children from adult predators using the Internet, we now need to shield kids from one another.

Cyber-bullying is real. Incidents are happening at an increasing rate. National surveys by online safety expert, Parry Aftab, estimate that 85 percent of 12 and 13-year olds have had experience with cyber bullying; 53 percent say they have been bullied online.

Many experts confirm that the psychological effects on our children can be as devastating, and may be even more so than traditional bullying. Research proves that when kids are left unsupervised and without behavior expectations traditional bullying thrives. And we may not be doing as good a job as we think.

One survey found that while 93 percent of parents feel they have a good idea of what their kids are doing on the Internet; 41 percent of our kids say they don’t share with us what they do or where they go online. Open up that dialogue and listen!

9 possible signs of cyberbullying to watch for

Research also says that chances are that your child will not tell you he is harassed online. As our children get older studies also show the likelihood declines even more. One big reason: our kids say we did not listen or believe them when they did come and tell us. So get educated. Tune into your children closer. Look for these possible signs of cyber bullying though there are others. And if they are not due to cyberbullying they clearly warrant looking into. Something is amiss with your child!

  • Hesitant to be online; nervous when an Instant Message, text message or Email appears
  • Visibly upset after using the computer or cell phone or suddenly avoids it
  • Hides or clears the computer screen or closes cellphone when you enter
  • Spends unusually and longer hours online in a more tense pensive tone
  • Withdraws from friends, falls behind in schoolwork’s or wants to avoid school
  • Suddenly sullen, evasive withdrawn, marked change in personality or behavior
  • Trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, excessively moody or crying, seems depressed
  • Suspicious phone calls, e-mails and packages arrives at your home
  • Possible drop in academic performance

A key indication that something is up with a child: A sudden change that is not your child’s “normal” behavior that lasts at least everyday for one-two weeks.

One quick check: Google your child’s own name online. Are you seeing a sudden online presence? If so, it may be cyberbullying. Check it out! Kids often send the cyber-message to dozens of friends via their buddy lists.

What to do if you suspect your child is cyberbullied:

 Your goal is to keep a good ongoing dialogue with your child so she will feel comfortable telling you if something bad happens online or elsewhere. You are your child’s best filter both on and off line Build a relationship of trust and then listen carefully to what your kids say about their online experiences.

• Let your child know you believe her and will not stop helping her until she feels safe.

• Contact your service provider and report the incident ASAP.

• Change your password and account immediately.

• Do NOT promise your child that you “won’t tell.” You may need to step in.

• Save evidence. Print it out. Do not delete the message. Also be clear that you want to know if your child receives an inappropriate message (that goes for both on and offline). Do NOT delete the message. You must save the evidence!

• Set up an appointment with your child’s teacher and/or guidance counselor. Your child will need emotional support.

• Create a “safety plan” for your child. Who can she go to if she doesn’t feel safe? Identify one caring staff member and at least one caring peer. Your child needs support.

• Monitor your child’s emotional health carefully. Get the help of a counselor or trained mental health provider immediately if you have even an ounce of doubt that your child could be depressed or suicidal.

• If your child’s safety is at stake or the cyber-attacks are vicious, contact authorities.

Get educated. Get active! Get your community involved. And please watch for those signs.  No child should ever be allowed to send or receive cruelty!

 EVER!

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert

For specific solutions to Cyberbullying, Bullying, Relational Aggression, Anger, Anxiety, Internet Safety, Cell Phone Use and other such issues, refer to The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries. This blog was adapted from the chapter on Cyberbullying. For more updates on late-breaking news and parenting solutions, go to my website, Michele Borba or follow me on twitter @MicheleBorba.

Resources:

85 percent of 12 and 13-year old kids have had experience with cyber bullying: Based on personal conversations with Parry Aftab, New York City, June 2-3, 2008.

93 percent of parents feels they have a good idea of what their kids say they do online; 41 percent of kids say we don’t: Survey by i–SAFE America: “National Assessment Report: The effectiveness and measureable results of Internal Safety Education”: 2005-2006.

Cyberbullying definition: Electronic form of communication that uses cyber-technology or digital media to hurt, threaten, embarrass, annoy, blackmail or otherwise target another minor, by Parry Aftab, “The STOPcyberbullying Toolkit Guide for Parents,” http://wireforsafety, 2008.

Filed Under: Communication
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