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Parenting & Sex Ed – Part 2

February 28, 2009 By

Before continuing the story from my last post, I want to share a very timely feature from our friends at Blogher discussing humorous aspects of first periods and menstrual cycles.  Since Part II of my story is about this very topic, I wanted to share the great conversation going on over at BlogHer, too!

And…Part II!

When our twin girls were 11, we all launched New Moon magazine together,  putting in articles about rites of passage and celebrating menarche. My husband Joe and I figured it was a cinch that each daughter would rejoice in her first period, proudly trumpeting its arrival as a sign of her feminine strength and the perfect occasion to throw a party.

 

Not quite. The big event was announced with a whisper, not a whoopee. “Come in here, Mom, and shut the door. I think I’m having my period. Promise you won’t tell Dad and, geez, no Rite of Passage party, OK?”

 

We did eventually celebrate, but not as we’d imagined. Mom treated each girl to a mother-daughter dinner out. It was a little trickier for dad. He consistently wins the “worst-at-keeping-secrets” prize, but managed to play along this time, never letting on that he knew about the Moon Goddess’ visits. About a year later, he got his chance to celebrate. Heading out to the Super Valu, he shouted, “Need anything at the store?”

 

“Can you get me some pads?” called a teenage voice. “I’m out.”

 

He waited until the door shut before dancing down the driveway whispering, “YESSSSS!!! She finally told me!”

 

Part III to follow soon!

 

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You can read more humorous reflections on the highs and lows of first periods in the terrific new My Little Red Book.  The book is wonderful and raises money for several non-profits – and you’ll find this essay in there, too!

Filed Under: Communication, Family Life, Health & Safety

Parenting and Sex Education – Part 1

February 26, 2009 By

Here’s part of an essay from me and my husband Joe about our daughters’ first periods and other sex ed adventures in parenting. It’s long for a single post so you’ll get it in 3 parts. Happy to say it’s included in the great new My Little Red Book, a humorous and poignant collection of first period stories. A great thing about the book is that the proceeds from sale of each book are donated to some wonderful charities. I hope you enjoy it!

Of course, modern families carry none of the baggage families in the past have had about sex and body. Children grow up embracing their emerging sexuality, always strong, self-loving, and confident in their corporal selves. And, if you’ll just sign right here, we’ll be happy to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.

First, let’s set the scene: two parents, raised Catholic, absorbing stereotypical repression of both sexuality and body awareness. In Mom’s family, eating (or not eating) was the response to both good and bad feelings, and women’s traditional physical attractiveness was highly valued. Dad comes from a family where the “birds and bees” talk was two sentences long and clear as mud. But, having discovered feminism, we thought it would be pretty easy to slice right through those silly old ways and do better in raising our daughters.

In actuality, we did more muddling than slicing, doing some things well, some poorly and some just plain hilariously.

To start with, our girls were pretty and got regular comments from family and strangers about their appearance. So we zealously praised their bodies for what they could do, not how they looked. We practically made a religion of never commenting on their weight or size (or ours) when they were around. We even threw out the bathroom scale because Mom didn’t want to pass on her habit of self-judging by the pound. As it turned out, Nia and Mavis’ biggest body anxiety was “I’m too short.” (“Quick! What famous women are short?”)
With sexuality, things were just a tad more complicated. But we still clung to the delusion that our highly developed feminist sensibilities would make everything easy.

*PART II to follow in a few days

Filed Under: Communication, Education & School, Family Life, Friends & Friendship, Health & Safety, Parents Who Advocate

Teen Girls Harassed at Work

February 23, 2009 By

From PBS NOW: 

Teen girls are in more danger from sexual predators at their part time jobs than through the Internet. It’s a vastly underreported phenomenon, but some brave young women are stepping up publicly to tell their stories.  In the program, abused teenagers share their own stories with senior correspondent Maria Hinojosa—stories that offer insight into the lives of more than 200,000 teens who are sexually assaulted on the job each year, and hundreds of thousands of others who are sexually coerced, groped, grabbed, and cornered in ways for which they are entirely unprepared. The show will track their legal journeys to justice, and examine how the issue impacts teenagers across the country—many of whom don’t know how to report workplace abuse, or even how to recognize when their bosses cross the line.

 

Watch the entire piece online and then check out the tips for parents to help prepare our daughters and protect them from this common threat. 

 

Kudos to PBS and also E.J. Graff of the Schuster Institute at Brandeis University who provided much of the expert background for this story.  Workplace harassment is something I experienced firsthand as a teen.  In the late 1960′s I didn’t have a term for it – I just knew it intimidated me and made me feel ashamed. Maria Hinajosa’s reporter’s journal mentions that most women she talked to in reporting the story said it had happened to them or to friends. 

 

Prepare and protect your daughter and let me know what you think. 

Filed Under: Health & Safety

Snooping on our Children

February 21, 2009 By

This topic always makes me cringe – snooping on your tweens and teens to learn about what’s going on in their lives.  The Tyra Banks Show has posted a quiz on their site for parents to take and “find out whether [they] should be snooping!” 

 

When my girls were teenagers, my husband and I found we learned the most about our daughters’ lives just by encouraging them to talk and then – most importantly – listening to them. It was amazing how much we chatted while we cooked dinner as a family, or when we were driving somewhere. The car can be an especially good place to raise difficult topics. Kids seem to feel safer talking about those things when they don’t need to make direct eye contact with us. Although it takes more time, in our family, keeping the lines of communication open was far more helpful to knowing what was going on in their lives than doing something like rifling through their backpacks or eavesdropping on their telephone conversations.

 

When I talk to other parents, I always hear that conversations result in far better outcomes than snooping and spying.  PBS’ Frontline has some good tips on talking with your teen. 

 

Filed Under: Communication, Family Life

Keeping Our Daughters Safe In Their Relationships

February 19, 2009 By

When I see my OB/GYN she always asks me if I’m “safe at home.”  It’s a sad fact that some women are not.  And what’s even more scary is that abusive relationships can begin as early as the teen years.

 

As a mom it’s terrifying to me that one in three teenagers is a victim of physical, verbal or emotional abuse in a dating relationship. I was reminded of this statistic when I heard about the recent incident between the singer Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown.  Both Rihanna and Brown are popular celebrities with teens and that gives us parents an important opportunity to talk with both our daughters and our sons about preventing and stopping dating violence.

 

We have an excellent article on Daughters.com with tips for how to have that sensitive conversation:

A conversation with Vicki Crompton , whose 15 year old daughter was murdered by a boyfriend, is the author of Saving Beauty from the Beast: Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship.

 

These are things no parent wants to think about.  But it’s our responsibility to inform ourselves and then inform our daughters.  For more practical and specific ideas on how adults can help, visit ChooseRespect.org

Filed Under: Health & Safety
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