I had one academic goal for high school: to be on Principal’s List every quarter. Principal’s List is our school’s highest honor roll, with all averages above 94.45%. I wanted to be on it so badly. I worked so hard, and when I was up studying past midnight, I would just remind myself of the goal: Principal’s List. It was my proof that I was smart. It gave me a right to say so- or else, I would just be like everybody else, and to me, that seemed awful.

Then, the very final quarter of my sophomore year, the unthinkable happened: a 94.38. Yes, that was my fourth quarter average, everyone. 0.07% off from the goal that I had defined myself so intensely by. What the heck was I supposed to do now? I had tried as hard as I possibly could, and I had failed. I’d always been told, by parents, teachers, even New Moon Girls, that if I tried my hardest, I could achieve whatever I wanted. But I didn’t. I was heartbroken.

I’m not seeking pity here. And I’m not complaining. I know so many people have so, so many worse things to deal with.

I’m using this experience of mine to help you deal with the first time you try so, so hard to do something, and you can’t do it. Sometimes, this has to do with competition with others. For example, even if you try your very hardest for a part in the school play, someone else could get the role. That’s different, though, because people other than you had control. It’s hard when so much pressure is on you, when the standards you set for yourself become too high.

After my grades fell short of my expectations, one of my close friends reminded me that the same thing had happened to her last year. She had been about a point off from the same goal, and I had consoled her, saying that it didn’t make her any less smart. It didn’t make her any less deserving of praise. It’s not like her parents, or even colleges, would care about one little point.

It wasn’t the first time stuff like this had happened to me, either. When I was in middle school I was very concerned about my weight and appearance. I thought that I was overweight and that if anyone else “noticed,” they wouldn’t like me anymore. Don’t get me wrong- I knew how silly that was, at least logically. Yet at the same time, I was on New Moon’s Girls Editorial Board and spent tons of time on New Moon telling others that everyone was beautiful and that weight didn’t matter- and I believed it, too. But much like with my friend and our grades, I couldn’t manage to believe it when it came to myself.

I don’t know if this is only a female issue, but I think that it has a certain relation to self-esteem that exists with a lot of girls. Whether it’s natural or nurtured, girls are often empathetic, or aware of other’s emotions. We understand what it feels like to go through troubles, and are great at consoling each other.

Yet, sometimes we can’t take our own advice.

I just wanted to remind you girls not just to treat others how you’d like to be treated, but yourselves, too. Imagine how much we could all get done if we focused on our awesomeness instead of our supposed faults.

Love,
Alexa

PS- If you ever have worries about things like this, and can’t manage to take your own advice, post here. The other mentors, as well as your fellow New Moon Girls, will always be happy to help you out <3

Halloween can be an incredibly fun holiday. You have the opportunity to dress up as anyone you want, and you get candy. It really couldn’t be much cooler.

Halloween is an awesome opportunity to express yourself and be creative. When I was younger, I loved being characters from books for Halloween. Sometimes no one else knew who I was, but that was okay. As long as I knew, it was fine. A personal favorite of mine was when I was Laura Ingalls in third grade. My aunt made the costume for me. At the time, those were my favorite books. It was super fun to get to dress as- and “be”- such a cool, adventuring pioneer girl all day long.

However, sometimes the media tries to stunt girls’ Halloween creativity a bit. It’s been typical for older teenage and college-aged girls to dress more revealingly on Halloween, which is sometimes disapproved of. At my age, many girls discuss their costumes to see if they want the regular or the “sexy” version- as in, are you going to be a fairy, or a fairy wearing a very short skirt and low-cut top? Some girls don’t feel comfortable dressing that way, but do so because their friends are, and I don’t think that’s good at all.

Now, if you go into any superstore to find costumes, you’ll find that even younger girls’ costumes are sexualized. I’m sure it will be the cause of disagreements with parents across the country as Halloween approaches. Sometimes, the Halloween costumes in stores are pretty enticing. Sometimes, you’ll want to be one of those girls. But why would you dress on Halloween to show off your body? Halloween is such a special opportunity to be creative- I don’t see why you’d want to use it for that. I think it’s incredibly sad that girls are pressured to look sexualized on Halloween at an even younger age than mine, and that that age is getting younger every year.

Try being creative this year on Halloween, and don’t feel pressured, or like you have to dress in a “sexy” way.

There are so many great ideas out there- why use someone else’s?

Love,
Alexa

PS- Zosha already started a thread with Halloween costume ideas on the Sister to Sister Message Board! Pop in with your ideas!

PPS- Have you seen any costumes that are demeaning to women? Or costumes that are cool and creative? Don’t forget to submit them to the Girl Caught page!

At every age, people will tell you secrets and leave you baffled as to what to do with them. Some secrets are serious; others are silly. All secrets are important because someone trusted you with little-known information.Sometimes a friend will tell you something they haven’t told anyone else. Maybe she feels lonely being the only one knowing, maybe it’s exciting information, or maybe she needs some advice. However, the seriousness of these secrets can vary.

Maybe, other than her mom, you’re the only one who knows she wears a bra. This is very important to her, and she probably just wanted someone else to know that she had started doing something new. However, she might be embarrassed about this, or nervous. Either way, she doesn’t want others to know, so don’t tell other friends! The same goes for crushes- they’re often the silliest, most fun secrets, but should be kept that way too!

Sometimes, secrets can be more emotional. A friend may tell you that her parents are getting divorced. Almost always, the best thing to do is to listen, even if you have no idea what to say. But don’t forget that it’s a secret. If you have no idea what to do, though, try talking to someone who isn’t involved. You could try telling a parent, but maybe you’re afraid your parent would talk to the other girl’s parents. This is where it can be awesome to talk to friends who aren’t in that part of your life. Lots of people have a friend who doesn’t live nearby or attend school or activities with them- maybe a cousin, older neighbor, or family friend. Because this person doesn’t know your friends and doesn’t encounter them, she or he can give you advice and won’t get involved.

And on that note- it is often a bad idea to tell another person in your group of friends. For example, maybe you, Clare, and Jenna hang out all of the time after soccer practice. If Clare tells you a secret one day when Jenna’s not there, and you don’t know what to do, Jenna would not be the person to ask for advice about Clare’s secret. It’s more than likely that, with no bad intentions, Jenna will accidentally mention it to Clare and then you could lose Clare’s trust, or hurt her feelings.

Secrets can be serious or dangerous too. A friend might tell you that she thinks she’s fat, so she hasn’t been eating. She might tell you that lately she’s been scared, and thinking of self-harm, or even doing it. She might tell you that a boyfriend or girlfriend is being really mean to her, and pressuring her to do things she feels uncomfortable about.

These are the kind of things you need to tell someone. Someone older than you is almost definitely the way to go- it’s more likely that she or he has more experience than you. Sometimes, I personally am not always sure if some secrets I am told needs an adult to know or not. I’m lucky to have had some awesome teachers who I can tell things to and they can help me figure it out.