The Clique: How do you handle feeling left out?

The Clique. Now that the school year has begun, girls (and guys) are starting to find their groups of friends: the friends they have the most in common with, the ones they want to sit with at lunch and hang out with after school.

But sometimes people who used to be your friends aren’t anymore. Or, sometimes these groups decide to leave people out. So what are cliques?

“Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. The thing that makes a group a clique (say: klik) is that they leave some kids out on purpose. Usually one or two popular kids control who gets to be in the clique and who gets left out. Kids may act much differently than they did before they were part of the clique,” According to

It is important to know that cliques aren’t exactly how they look in movies or on TV. For the most part, schools work very hard to prevent bullying between students. But, if you feel that cliques in your school are a problem, or you are feeling left out of a clique, read these tips below on handling them:

  1. Try to be open-minded when it comes to friends. Try talking to someone you never thought you would get along with. They might end up being your best friend!
  2. Remember that your friends might change over the years. The people you were best friends with last year might have different interests from you now. It is okay to make new friends that share your same interests.
  3. Try joining a team and experience new things. It could be sports, 4-H or a dance class. That way, you learn teamwork and make friends with others who love the things you do!
  4. If you are really having a problem with cliques, talk to a teacher or other adult you trust. Remember, they were once in school too, and I bet they had to handle some problems with cliques as well.

Another great tip is to ask New Moon Girls just like you how they handle clique problems in their school. Girls have a lot of great advice when it comes to issues with friends.

Charlotta Emily from Ontario began public school this fall and was worried about cliques. She received lots of great advice here! Leila from Massachusetts has found that kids in her school are very exclusive. See the advice she received from girls.

You can also join the discussions on New Moon message boards about cliques, popularity and friends. Or, start your own discussion or give others advice!

The most important thing to remember is that you never need to change yourself to fit into a group of friends. Find a group of friends that enjoy the same interests as you and who love you for who you are. You deserve it!

How do you handle cliques? Do you have any helpful advice to girls who  are feeling left out? Tell us in your comments below!

New Moon Intern

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  • JR

    Great article, Emily!  The only way to handle cliques is to recognize that you’re not a lesser person if you don’t fit in with them.  Recognize the importance of the friends that have been there for you all along!  They don’t care what clothes you wear or what your parents do for a living.

  • Kalvxf

    Great post! I just shared with our chapter of a national nonprofit that works to empower 3rd-8th grade girls through an after-school prevention program that revolves around running and interactive lessons! :) >>> Girls on the Run (.org)

  • Maureen Blandford

    Fabulous column. Love the advice and it’s really great that you provide links to advice girls have given each other before. Awesome!

  • Maryl

    I LOVE this article!

  • Lucy Teaford

    Remember, never make your own cliques or leave people out!